Overwhelmed (Again)

 Last Friday I cried in front of the kids. Not that they did anything wrong. You won't believe what happened. It was birthday celebration, and I have saved a KFC chicken for myself. But end up some kid took it and I was so frustrated. I eat nothing for the whole day and the only thing Im looking forward to GONE! I would be cool most of the time but that day I was so frustrated and tears suddenly kept pouring down. The children got weird out XD I blame the hormone. It is the time of the month. Its one thing and another. Miss my partner, anxious of new people coming to school, basically its the anxiety.

I think I finally figured out what I should do with my life but taking the first step is hard.

Overwhelmed

 Currently overwhelmed, so here I am, trying to put my thoughts into words so that I dont get that overwhelm anymore

Just realized that I have a lot of work to do but I decided to procrastinate. I was home alone for three days, but nothing got done much. I did the laundry and clean up my room, cleaned the bathroom half way (and the laundry too actually). My procrastination is getting worse.

Let me list down the things im supposed to do

1. Report on conference

2. Update KPI

3. Update Daily Journal

4. Update timeline

5. Prepare apparatus

6. Update assessment sheets

7. Update Library

8. Text for MC language month

Thats what I could think of right now. I really need to sort my priorities

Checkmate

 Im many years too early

Theres nothing I can do

Used the board to close the gap

Not sure where it will lead us to

Theres no way it is a checkmate

When I say Im ugly

You told me to never say that

and that is that

I know one day I'll hate you

One day this will fade

But for now I'll keep on playing

The game that keep us both sane

An update

Dear blog,

My last post was around 2 years ago! I havent been writing much not because Im doing superb, but probably because I always thought I forgot my blog's password. Apparently I don't.

So today I decided to blog because A LOT had happened this past few months or so.

Finally my passport is renewed. I went to Bangkok for work purpose. Can't believe the school decided to send me, an introvert with anxiety. The worst combination for a networking event. It would be a lie to say that I am not nervous. I am DEAD NERVOUS. The moment I received the news on the conference, I was already contemplating whether to go or not. Not in the mood for few days.

But as usual, when the actual events happened, it wasnt that bad. Met new acquaintance, and probably friends too. I don't really enjoy Bangkok though, maybe I went to the wrong places. I don't know, i don't really enjoy certain types of countries. And this trip made me realized that its not the destination that counts, its who you are with that will make the trip worthwhile. I am grateful to have been there with a bunch of fun people. They may not think the same about me though. Haha

And next, I joined another chess tournament.This time, surprisingly I was not as nervous as the first one. Managed to finished 7 rounds eventho I only won one of it. I was paired with my brother too XD and then theres another of my opponent, a super cute guy who is obviously so much younger than me. He was friendly and he did not believe that I am 35. Thank you so much for making my day kid. It turns out he is 21 okayy. Memang aku makcik la untuk kau. When we ended our game he proceed to wanting to shake my hands XD I donno, he is something. Good in chess too. I almost got him though but my end game is still terrible. Not gonna lie, hope our path will cross one day, ihiks...

331/366

Cant believe theres less than 40 days left towards new year. I felt like its still May or something. My oh my. Anyway, ive read somewhere thT you’re suppose to write when you’re overthinking and read when you’re underthinking. So here I am. Cant sleep cause im in my overthinking state.

I am honestly not in my best self rite now. I dont blame anyone but myself. I dont want to be the kind of person who thinks they are entitled to blame others when it really was them all along. I want to be better, I want to change. But im gonna have to starts off small. Bit by bit but persistently.

Im thinking of going for a jog tomorrow. But it’s already 2 am and im still awake. How am I suppose to wake up early tomorrow?

Anyways, an ex student contacted me yesterday. Two actually but one can be ignored cause she’s probably just bored. She didnt reply my reply to her. weird kid. As for another one, Im guessing he misses me. but that would be something that he will never admit. He is sending me a plain casing tomorrow to draw on it. he wants me to draw a simple plant on it. I find it very sweet and I am overwhelm. It was a super simple drawing, he could have had asked someone else. But he chose me. I know u miss me buddy.

And Oh, I dont think my anxiety is getting better. I am currently doing okay because I dont really meet anyone and I dont have to answer to anybody rite now. It sucks really. Made me think Im never going anywhere.

Anyways, see you on my next episode of overthinking. Pray that i jog tomorrow!

102/365

Ramadan Kareem Nani, may this Ramadan be the best Ramadan you've ever encountered. 

May you have the strength to perform your ibadah and finished your lab work successfully

May you find what you have been searching for, those things that you want so badly, or those things that you never knew you needed. May Allah guide you on what is best and give you redha when it does not goes your way

May Allah instill loads and loads of love inside your heart, cause you know thats what really keeps one content

May Allah cleanse your heart, wash away any grief, hatred and envy

May your eyes see what is good in everything

May you become that one person you always wanted to be, the best daughter to your parents

May your life fills with happiness, and when it doesnt, you know that Allah is keeping something exciting in the future. And for that, please be happy after the temporary shortcoming

I love you, and you are amazing..

58/365

Nothing important, just wanna say some kids i taught from previous school suddenly messaged me, adding me in their group chat, followed me on ig. Which is nice. the only problem is, I dont remember most of their names alreadyyy. I do remmeber their faces, but namesss, i dont. One girl was smart enough to message me with her photo. Then only I know which one is her. 

and adding me in a group chat chat filled with 10 year old boys. For whattt. I felt bad to leave the group but they decided themselves its inappropriate for me to be there. The group went quiet all of a sudden. i guess they made new one without me.haha. Im sorry kids. I've left you guys for more than a year. I have lost my touch with kids.Haha