so many things to be sad about
of the darken heart
the dissapointed sister
the terrible past
the uncertain future

Oh Allah, you know whats in my heart
fix it ya rabb 😔

terlewat

hatiku perit
mengenangkan si dia yang tak mampu kumiliki
mengenangkan si dia yang sempurna di mataku
namun didakapi insan lain

sesungguhnya perasaan ini jelik
ia hadir di saat yang tidak ku ingini
sekiranya perasaan ini bernyawa
akan ku bunuh ia dengan kejam
kerna ia juga kejam

kamu itu lain
kamu itu bisa membimbing
kamu itu bisa meluruskan diriku yang bengkok
namun ini semua hanya kusedari
setelah dirimu dimiliki

aku hanya mampu berdoa
agar satu hari akan muncul
insan yang bisa meyakinkan aku
seperti engkau meyakinkan aku

i have the habit of running away from people i have problems with
its my way of fixing things up
to me, if you cant be nice to someone, stay away from them
at least that wont hurt the heart too much

demi kita

sometimes a sad song will bring up a sad thoughts or memories

i dont know when it happened but it kinda did
i remembered how the feelings were back when i first saw you
it was totally the opposite of what im having rite now

why am i always falling for someone i can never have (-_-")
even when that person is a total nobody

anyways, im thinking of making a blog especially for my kids to read
i actually had made one, but i forgotten the password and the url as well (-_-")

anyways, keep on writing nene

its april

april showers bring msy flowers or somthing like that

i iz currently at school, ive finished my ubereats coupon in just one blow, ordered 2 cups of chatime and 2 pieces broasted chicken, im gonna regret this later at night when i see the scale aint decreasing, but for now, im just gonna enjoy the damage that has been done.

dr mahathir had once said that, a person needs to write. i dont remember why but he just mentioned that we should write frequently. so here i am :D

its already april and i havent finished any books from the shelves. havent lose a single pound either. i played too much game lately which consumed most of my time. sigh2

writers block. k byr

Eff it, I miss you

Saw u on someone's instagram today. Dammmnnn you were looking so damn good. and here I am, on bed, contemplating whether to exercise or not (i surely am gonna do my workout after seeing your photo) 

Lately ive been eating a lot. I have loads of reason why I should be losing weight and  eating healthy but I donno, sometimes im too stressed out that i figure I deserve that chocolate or anything else that is unhealthy.

anyway, im turning 30 this year, my cousin had once asked me if I ever felt scared about turning 30, i was kinda off guard with that question cause I honestly dont really care. Its just a number. but to ease her mind I just told her that I am a lil bit scared. Im always in this kinda situation where I had to lie to people on my feelings just so they dont think that im being poyo. So heres a few things that people are always asking me but I dont know how to answer it in an honest way:

1) on worklife
I may not have the highest paying job in the world but I can say I am one of the happiest person to be doing what I love to do. So please dont pity me. Ask yourself if you are happy with what u r doing.

2) on lovelife
Im so tired of people my age complaining about being single. I HONESTLY am fine with being thirty and single. If im not, i would have gone around looking for a spouse but I dont even try. I even find myself hard to like anyone rite now.I felt stupid for joining baitulmuslim. I am so okay with being single that it kinda scares me.

3) life
i dont like to share my problems, whatmore to share with someone who cannot fix it.I would normally keep them to myself and try and solve it silently.Especially when it involves a certain someone.Maybe cause I know that I myself is not perfect and probably is a problem to someone else too.

ive been developing a single life habit too. Animes on cinemas, Tekken at the arcade, long train rides just to observe people and many others. Probably being alone is a dangerous thing. Once you've feel the beauty of it, u might not want get away from it.

Hello March

Im suppose to finish Maisha's pencil case but here I am deciding to blog instead.

on work. I cant say that I love my job now cause currently my teaching profession also includes few administration work which is kinda suck. I hate office work. I just wanna be with the kids and teach stuffs. Maybe someday I'll open up my own school. Its not gonna be easy but if i got the right support, then it wont be just a dream anymore.

on health. I am a bit paranoid lately with all the death news ive been getting. My stomach kinda worries me a bit. Maybe I need to start eating healthy and exercise more. ive bought a packet of oats to be eaten at school, but its been a month, the packet has not been opened yet. eheeh.the only thing that is finishing is my maggi supply.huhu

on love. My heart is filled with love for my kids and of course that special someone that I probably never gonna get. but I wont lie, the hope is still there altho I know that it is highly unlikely that we're gonna be together. but the hope is till there. and I know too that im probably gonna get hurt if i decided to stay and so im keeping my options open. If its meant to be that it will be, BUt it is still gonna hurt a bit.

on social. i dont know whats wrong with me but im getting more n more antisocial than ever. the only people that i wanna hang out with rite now is my sisters or the kids.u have no idea what i did to avoid going out with people or meeting people. and i dont even wanna share my problems anymore. maybe because sometimes i have the feelings that people around me dont really care how i felt.even if they say they do, i dont bother telling them. im okay. my problem aint eating me (yet)

for now, i love myself (who else gonna love u duh) eventho sometimes i get advices from family especially telling me that i shouldnt do this or that.But i still need to start eating healthy tho.


welp, till then