an update

last time i blog was 3 months ago.Maybe cause the internet scks here in my room. Cant even watch any animes anymore :(

anyways, nothing interesting biggest concern these days were LOOKING OLD. I do realised that my face is not as what it was 10 years ago. some people are lucky tho but not me. Maybe cause am not eating healthy and i dont have a healthy sleep routine. But i began to accept whenever got adik called me kakak. It hurts but gotta get use to it. Soon its gonna be mak cik *cries*

im too tired to write more. Ill just stop here.


NY #1

I remembered the day I got so mad with everyone, especially you, that i got out and lock myself up in the room. I cried hard cause i was dissapointed with everyone especially you. But somehow I knew you're gonna do something about it. And then theres a knock on the door. I knew it was you. and i knew what you're gonna do. I did not go out, i just held out my hand through the half opened door, and you passed me the ice cream. And already im the happiest girl on earth.

Who cares if everyone pisses me off that day when in the end you're gonna be there to make sure everything is okay. And i love you for that...


hello 2018

ive been wanting to write consistently and ive always had something in mind to write about. But i always end up doing something else and gets too tired to write here :/

its almost 1.00 am, need to wake up early tomorrow and here i am suddenly decided to write something.

i am currently reading lullabies by lang leav. i dont really like her 'Love and misadventure' (which i already successfully sold online). I mean i dont hate it, i just dont understand why so many people liked it that much. I sometimes think that i can write something as good as her pieces.huhu

anyways, as i said, currently reading lullabies ( at a super slow pace). but i actually like some of the pieces. Probably gonna write something similiar.

School was okay, i guess im strong enough to leave next year.Boss is pissing me off too much. But i sometimes receive signs from universe telling me to stay husnudzon which I did and is the reason why Im still holding on.

For example like yesterday, on my way back from kelas Tajwid, a classmate offered a ride and she talked a lot in the car, mostly on her worklife. She told me how important it is to think nice of others, cause if you dont, you iz the one whos gonna hurt the most. Which is super true and kinda slapped me on mah face. I sometimes hated my boss so much that i can never think good of him, and i end up not enjoying what am doin :(

Stay husnudzon dear Nene, cause ur not that perfect either

happy born day ye old lady!

turned 29 yesterday, no celebration whatsoever. kids and most of my friends didnt even remember. Neeya did wished me tho, and of coz Maryam and Naufal too. Oh well, no big deal. sometimes i have the feeling that im the only person in the whole wide world whom actually try to remember everyones' birthday. i still remember my childhood best friend's birthday, eventho we're no longer close. im special that way.

anyway, i honestly feels like 22. Hahaha. No kidding, i still dont see myself as a 29 year old. and that is not a good thing. and soon im gonna reach 30 😐 i tried to not overthink the future, i dont think its healthy to overthink the future. ive tried making plans, but end up achieving none. but im not upset at all, everything that i have today is what Allah had planned for me, and He is the best planner after all. So why wanna be upset right?

i just hope that i would finally found the courage to drive a car 😑

welp, till then

Ramadan kareem 😊


at times i have the feelings that you might be missing me too. but most of the time, when im all concious and wise, i remembered that you no longer wanna be like you used to. And I would accept that and move on

this only happens sometimes


just now i almost cried (almost,no tears yet) because i got frustrated of myself. ive been this way before, back when i lost my purse for the gazilion of time. i cried because im always losing stuff. like just, now i cant remember where i put the exam papers. i end up having to photocopy all of it again. i also misplace another exam papers which was the pinnacle of my frustration but i found it at last, and that had stopped me from bursting into tears.

i guess im gonna have to organize my workplace a bit

welp, till then

hello 2017


I know am probably too late to wish happy new year but who cares.Tisya just reminded me that i actually owned a blog 😂 cant believe ive stop writing for almost 6 months 🌚

a lot had happened, bad and good, same ol stuff. Have i changed towards the better? I dont know. i am more commited towards my job tho. im learning to not get overly attach with anyone including the kids.Work life is okay. I hate my boss, but he could be okay at times. i fake laugh to most of his jokes and will be super energetic if he is not around 😂

love life? mehhh. although i can say that i am more ready than last year eventho my definition of ready is really not that affirmative 🌚 lets just say, i dont really care whats gonna happen, when its gonna happen, im just gonna show a lil bit of effort this year compared to last year.Am i in love with anyone? yes, i dont know untill when. but is he gonna be the one?not necessarily. You cant always get what you want y'know. whoever he is, i just hope he could accept all my flaws as well as i could accept his.

remembered a line in 'abundance of katherines'. "i may not get anything good by staying, but at least nothing bad is gonna happen either" (not accurate but more or less thats what the lines meant). 
i so can relate to this cause i think thats how ive been rolling my life. by being in the safe zone.and its getting a lil bit too comfy :/

i guess thats it for now. im gonna write more whenever i remember that i actually own a blog