dillemma

I am in dilemma, to sambung study or to get a new job somewhere in shah alam or stay being a teacher. I do love being a teacher, never thought that id enjoy being a teacher this much. i guess it runs in the genes.But i know that someday somehow I still gonna have to leave the school. its just a matter of time.

I dont like working in a lab. Although i love the idea of pursuing PhD, i cant imagine zombifying myself once again at UKM. yes, UKM once more. just because studying overseas seems a bit too impossible rite now. Supervisor had already offered me a place. I was overwhelmed by the invite but i need to really really think about it. sambung at UKM will mean having to see the same faces all over again. same old routine, which is doing everything alone. on the bright side, i get to see Amal, MIja and everything will be much easier for me during labwork because of the familiarity. yes, I will consider

on the other side, I have to face the fact that id be leaving the kids. Oh my, just the thought of it could already bring  tears to my eyes. theres too many thing i have to leave behind. the ambience, the people who constantly reminds me of Allah. the chance of meeting amazing people, seeing the kids smile just because they know im there. what could be more precious than that? :(

Aidid had once told me that he had never missed any of his previous teachers except for this one ustaz. i bet the ustaz is super nice. that made me wonder, will this kids ever gonna miss me. I mean, i dont even miss my primary school teachers and i only remember the names of some of them.is this what it feels like to be oblivion. to be not remembered. It sure doesnt feel nice :(

i have to admit, i sometimes would do 'things' just to see whether the kids love being with me or not. for example theres Andy who'd always be the last person to go home and usually it was I who had to wait with him. and once he almost cried when i told him that ive to go home early. haha, I like the feelings. seems cruel but i mean it in a good way. and I love how the kids will queue up in front of me so that I could tie up their taekwondo belt. i felt love just by that.

and i love it when im reading books, they would come up to me one by one and listen to me explaining th story. asking me questions which answers i made up myself sometimes.Huhu. and then theres Uddin who would take all my words seriously. i love having to know he actually appreciate what i said, even when im actuallymakin fun of him.

theres so many things and reasons for me to stay. but none would change the fact that soon im still gonna have to leave :(